Well, admittedly, that last post was quite the downer.
I feel a bit better, actually. I dunno…
I feel like I got a lot of stuff out, stuff that I’d been keeping bottled up.
Some of it seems rather obvious, but…
I miss Kris, and I think about calling him, and apologizing.
But I don’t remember his number. I never memorized it.
I pushed him out when he needed me the most, and yet he was still able to yell at me for always closing him out when I was hurting.
I had the nerve to call him selfish and arrogant, but he was willing to put aside his pain for awhile and listen to me, and I wouldn’t let him.
Yet…
Call me crazy, but maybe I just don’t like being the 5th girl in your line-up, and feeling like a last resort.
Still, I pushed a really nice guy out of my life, and I won’t ever get him back.
Unless he decides to apologize, and calls me up randomly.
But her… I don’t miss her, at all. Too much fighting, too much drama.
She was blind to her own faults, but quick to criticize mine.
Everything was so.. black and white. I didn’t like it.
So dear journal, tell me, how many people have I pushed away?
There’s almost no-one left.
And soon, i’ll have to push him away, too.
I can’t keep lying.
Dammit Jen, get a fucking backbone.