Dreams of Mars

So maybe he isn’t gone from my life, and no matter how hard I try, some of those feelings are still there, and I’ve said countless, ridiculous times, I think they always will be. I just don’t know how to feel at this point. We don’t have anything to talk about, really, so we make awful friends, but I don’t care much.

I don’t know how to feel about anything right now – its amazing how too much of a pill that is supposed to fix things ends up making you feel like crap because your doctor doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing.
No, I take that back – she does, just not for me.

…

Edge of America © Duran Duran

I miss you so much in this moment.

And I know I’m having a hell of a time getting over you, and letting go, and truth is, I never expect either of these things to happen.

You just aren’t the man I fell in love with, not at all… And I want so badly just to  be with you, regardless – no, not even with you, just around you, at least be touched by you.

I know I can live without you, but now its setting in, and becoming more and more of a reality that you may not be in my life anymore.. and at first, I thought that would be fine, but I still feel like part of me needs you.

I just don’t know what to do, and I feel like there’s no way to get ahold of you now.

Did I fuck this up?

I don’t know how to feel.

Truth is, yes, I still like you… a lot.
Not only that but gosh, am I protective of you.
I don’t even know why, I just want you to always be happy or at least content.
Sigh.

And fml, I just want this other man to reciprocate.

…

Level of Lucidity: N/A     Level of Cohesiveness: Rating:
Lucid Intent? No

I am visiting a family I don’t know. The mother in particular is very mean. They’re watching three films, and they’re all connected. It has Glenn Close in it, who then changes to a woman named Peggy Lee.

One of their relatives is interested in me, constantly texting me. He swings by the house and picks me up almost every night. He resembles a man I used to know – I think that he is this state’s “version” of that man. He works at an ice cream parlor.

When I am leaving the house, I have saved several items, including chicken, pudding and cookies, I think. Upon entering the kitchen, she is throwing EVERYTHING away. I scream at her that I was saving those and she says nothing.

When I arrive home to a distorted version of my house, there is a large pen with several mice and hamsters in it. I take note that quite a few are missing. I look over and see 10-15 cats. I grab and bright blue and green eyed cat and run off with it, despite its struggles to get free.

I return to the woman’s house, I assume, and it stays there with me, at least for a little while.

Additional Comments:

I remember imagery of refrigerators and groceries.

Level of Lucidity: N/A     Level of Cohesiveness: Rating:
Lucid Intent? No

Its a mess of fall and spring. I am on horseback with five other people, they switch between people I know and do not. We approach a small hill of rocks, an urban legend surrounding it; if you ride on it, a woman and her horse appear, noone has ever been able to successfully take their picture. So I ride up onto the hill, and sure enough, she does. I take a picture and manage to have them both appear. I am not sure what happened to the picture or my friends after this.