Dreams of Mars

And so the depression kicks in.
Odd enough, Slipknot is the one thing keeping me okay.

Before I Forget © Slipknot

I thought I had something interesting to say to you.

But I guess not.

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Evil People!!

Day 984 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 985 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now……

© Unknown

..you put my heart back in my hand, and wipe it clean.

It becomes harder and harder to blog on Wordpress. Soon I will have to find a client to help me with that.

Going back through this blog is nothing like going through my MySpace blog. Not even my LiveJournal. It lacks the passion and interest the other two have. Perhaps because it will never be as private as LJ, but who am I kidding? MySpace? That’s so secure.

In time, I am sure I will gain more interest for this blog, as has actually been the case lately.

Today I had my writing critiqued, albeit lightly, as it could have been much more harsh. I feel my arrogance slipping (towards my writing) through my fingers like sand. Perhaps its for the best, but my mind tells me otherwise.

You’re so easy to read, but the book is boring me

In contradiction to my previous actual post, I find that I still indeed think about you, and maybe my diminishing feelings aren’t so diminished after all. I do fear its just jealously, and somewhat baffling. I just thought maybe you could be the one that would finally reciprocate. Oh, how very wrong I was.

In fact, I don’t even want a relationship anymore, knowing what I know. Knowing how it would end. That must be it – subconsciously, I want nothing.

Someone once told me that if you have no faith in God, then you will find things to fill that void.
You used to fill that void – so, following in the footsteps of the infamous prose: you were in a way, my God.

I will find my place in time, I’m sure.

God Help Me © Emilie Autumn