So the ugliest things took the longest time to make.. And the easiest habits are the hardest ones to break..
What?
I don’t understand.
All I know is that I just want to cry until I can’t feel.
I can’t break away until I have a place to run.
I wish.
It hurts too much to know you cannot love me until we’re infront of each other.. I don’t know how much longer I can handle that.. I know I can’t handle it anymore…
It just.. fuck. I don’t want to move out of the country.. for even you.
Hand me ribbon, a needle, and love, for through these I will become complete.
Seeing you today was weird.
I don’t know why you especially.
It always hurts to see everyone from then, to feel that ache.. the longing I used to have. To know that you recognized me even, because I recognized you the minute I saw those eyes. God, it hurts.
For you to be so nice to me after these years.. I could feel your eyes on me, and there was no way I could look at you. I was so timid. You, made me hurt the most in the beginning. My goal was always to offend you, then, to piss you off.
I don’t want to feel your eyes burning into my skin anymore.. and you’re so beautiful.. so different. And I don’t like it.
I wish I could be back.. but that place was pain.. the whole district is full of lies and pain.
I wish you hadn’t recognized me.. I wish you hadn’t said anything.
My lips feel sewn shut. And yet, some part of me wishes we could have stood there for hours, and just talked. About everything. And I don’t even care about you. You’re just fake, I know it. Please don’t play games with me, don’t.
I have realized I truely love few.
I care for and like many, but love few.
And I love hard – I fall hard.
Not necessarily romantic love – I just love deeply in general.
But particularly in the aspect of romantic love.
I’m trying to figure out if that’s a fault.
He says it is. He says a lot of things are faults.
I’m tiring of falling for people so hard.
But I can’t help it.
A girl once told me I had a lot of love to give.
I can’t keep all this bottled up.
I would explode into a thousand hearts.
Speaking of exploding.
Today’s X-Files episode revolved around that.
And Mulder and Scully got into this adorable scientific discussion.
And they’re so made for each other.. I giggled.
Nothing quite makes me feel like a day with Mulder and Scully does.
(I’ve watched Showgirls two days in a row.
And I finally am watching the uncut version.
SO much better. I can’t even begin.)
Oh, that reminds me.
If you fuck with her again..
I don’t know what I will do.. But it won’t be pretty.
Don’t you dare fucking break her again.
Don’t you fucking DARE.
Listen well; will you marry me?
Not now, boy.
And are you well in the suffering?
K. Gonna finish this movie.
xoxo’s.
Since tomorrow is the fourth…
I’d really like to be happy.
Thanks.
(Or Ask Santa for me since its kinda-sorta-not-really almost Christmas in July?)
♥
Mewsette