Dreams of Mars

It is the new year! and with it, a blog post to cleanse my soul and mind.

For the third time, I am trying to reset my sleep schedule through Concerta, which I take anyway for my ADHD. So I’m wide awake, because I laid in bed, and got to thinking about things, and decided to write them all down.

Towards the end of this year, and beginning somewhere around the summer, I decided that my career, my dreams are the most important thing in  my life, and I decided that noone will stand in my way (although I won’t walk over people) and no-one will take my freedom away. I am going to join the FBI, make a difference, and live in Scotland, just like I’ve always wanted.

I was talking to my grandfather last night, and I told him this, and how I love Kansas, and other states just don’t interest me, but other countries do. And he told me I hadn’t really been to any other states, and not to be so quick to say that.. and he’s right.. but I can’t imagine anything more beautiful than Scotland. I can’t.

Thomas stood me up for the second time, as in hanging out, and I’m done for now. Noone has stood me up and been that apathetic about it in a long time. And I won’t stand for it, I won’t be treated like that, no matter his excuse. I’m too good for it, for any of the shit he gives me.

I decided two days ago, I am going to apply to be a Playmate as soon as I feel the time is right. And I don’t see any shame in it, nothing wrong with it at all. I think Hugh Hefner is an awesome man. Call me crazy, but I think Playboy has earned women a lot of respect, especially when compared to smutty magazines.. because Playboy is about as classy as it gets, even if the women sometimes don’t have a lot going on their heads, to be blunt (I’m going off the few episodes of “The Girls Next Door” so feel free to call me out on that – but I love Holly.) Regardless, I think it would be so awesome.

On a completely unrelated note, I must admit, my music taste has changed drastically: from Manson, Nightwish and Slipknot to Chris Isaak, Genesis and Elton John. It feels weird, and I still listen to my “dark” music, but more often than not, Mr. Isaak is ringing in my ears.

I bought my first Duran Duran album today, although I’ve been a fan for four years now..? Something like that.
I feel like a better person, silly enough.  The Wedding Album. It is called that because it has no real title, but the cover has pictures of all the band members’ parents at their wedding!
Truth be told, Medazzaland is my favorite album, but it wasn’t in stock, so I took what I could get. (Come Undone is the best song on TWA, to me and one of my favorite DD songs).

I also went through my DeviantART today, and deleted some really old, dumb poetry I wrote when I thought Luca wasn’t in love with me. It felt nice, but sad at the same time, though it was really crappy poetry. I strive so hard to keep that friendship alive, even if I don’t love him romantically anymore just because he is such a huge part of me. We don’t talk about anything of importance, but I like knowing we’re friends and that we’ve got each other. I never really cut ties.

And I can’t think of anything else. :sleepy: