It is an ever-fixed mark.
After reading one of the most painfully beautiful blog posts ever, and listening to Breaking Benjamin afterwards, I feel deeply inspired.
I must admit to you now that I feel tainted, and every thought of you makes me regret every minute we spent together. Because as I said earlier, “Abuse that is disguised is the worst kind there is.” I don’t know why I hate you so passionately, but I do. I really do.
I wish we’d never met – never dated. The only good that came of it was all material, and it shames me to say that, but its true.
Although I overcame my hatred of him, I don’t think I ever will for you, because I have no desire to mend things. The only thing holding me back from mending his and I’s friendship was Luca – but he forgot that in time, for rather licentious reasons.
Regardless, I still love Luca in my own way, and cliche – but I always will, and I’m okay with that.
Oh, how I wish I could fix the mess I have become.
I will never be mentally or emotionally healthy, this I know… but god, it hurts to have so many regrets… it hurts so much.. they drive me to the most dangerous of thoughts.
And yes, yes, all my dreams slip away from me – I never wanted to see my name in lights, or god forbid, a tabloid cover… but an indie film? a horror flick? God, how I wanted that.
I don’t know why I desire to be more than what I am so passionately, but I can’t help it.
My fascination with today’s cinema slips through my fingers (I haven’t seen many of these new films)…
My life spiraled out of control the day you told me we weren’t to be together, truth be told. I don’t know how to feel. I just know I don’t feel the same.
Save me, I ask of you time and time again.
…to be met with malice in the end.
They’re coming to take you away.